So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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