I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
