An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
