Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
