THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
