you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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