Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
