I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
