i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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