You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
