FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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