OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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