Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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