I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize