Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
