Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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