he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Randomize
