I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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