4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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