How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
