I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
