Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
