my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
