I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
