i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
