Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
