you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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