connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
