Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
