As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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