you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
