just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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