I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
