Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
