tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
