so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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