and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
