Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
