This dress was meant to end up on your floor
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
