You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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