We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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