Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .

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(330): I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia . http://tfl.nu/fovz

Replies (12) Good night (1425) Bad night (2222)
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(925): View more from California

tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.

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(925): tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too. http://tfl.nu/05va

Replies (12) Good night (2154) Bad night (710)
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(913): View more from Kansas

checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.

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(913): checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad. http://tfl.nu/40qb

Replies (27) Good night (1557) Bad night (7184)
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(678): View more from Georgia

Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners

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(678): Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners http://tfl.nu/cs50

Replies (32) Good night (4206) Bad night (537)
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(765): View more from Indiana

A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.

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(765): A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this. http://tfl.nu/a7q9

Replies (28) Good night (2171) Bad night (3726)
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(303): View more from Colorado

dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.

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(303): dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0. http://tfl.nu/gdax

Replies (35) Good night (6116) Bad night (899)
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(559): View more from California

I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.

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(559): I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing. http://tfl.nu/i8zl

Replies (6) Good night (5303) Bad night (1486)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.

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(704): Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people. http://tfl.nu/g4iv

Replies (6) Good night (3594) Bad night (733)
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(313): View more from Michigan

I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding

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(313): I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding http://tfl.nu/qljv

Replies (9) Good night (520) Bad night (2507)
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(314): View more from Missouri

Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.

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(314): Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love. http://tfl.nu/b9x6

Replies (2) Good night (1489) Bad night (616)
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(585): View more from New York

You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.

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(585): You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett. http://tfl.nu/f5z3

Replies (10) Good night (1386) Bad night (420)
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(310): View more from California

It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal

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(310): It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal http://tfl.nu/wa0q

Replies (32) Good night (1159) Bad night (806)
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(734): View more from Michigan

In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.

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(734): In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups. http://tfl.nu/3nhq

Replies (7) Good night (1241) Bad night (309)
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(775): View more from Nevada

Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot

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(775): Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot http://tfl.nu/cjjt

Replies (5) Good night (955) Bad night (265)
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(863): View more from Florida

Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.

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(863): Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house. http://tfl.nu/4quh

Replies (6) Good night (844) Bad night (341)

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