he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
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you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
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Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.