But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.