he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
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I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
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So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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