I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
