I wish my penis had an off switch
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
