and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
this will be a night to untag.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
