It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
