Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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