Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
