Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
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If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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