just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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