Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
