Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
