so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We need a shit load of segways right now
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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