She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I know her cup size but not her name....
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize