I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
