I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
