using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
