Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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