i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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