we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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