Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
