Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
