i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
