if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize