Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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