I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
